Australian Prices vs. American Prices

People living in Australia- natives, expats, whomever... are well aware (or if they're not, they should be) that Aussie prices are OUT. OF. CONTROL.

As painful as this is, I will now prove the point with cold hard comparisons.  Keep in mind, this is not entirely a fair fight as Australia has only about 22,000,000 people available to buy stuff (a.k.a consumers) and America has over 307,000,000.

1.  New Balance "Rock and Tone" sneakers, or "joggers" as they say in Australian.
Model #WW1870


Australia:
New Balance Australia's price:  $170 AUD (equal to $181 US dollar as of today), with free shipping and 10% off through May 25.

America:
Zappos in America price:  Originally $84, currently on sale for $68.  Free shipping within the U.S., as in to my mom who can forward them on to me.

Ouch, that was painful.  I wanted to buy these today, and I probably will... only downside is that there's no instant gratification, and I'll have to pay about $30USD shipping for my mom to send them to Sydney.  Bottom line is, including postage to Australia, I'll still only end up paying only $98USD (which is currently $91AUD).  Yay, for me.

2.  Aqua Sphere Kids Seal Goggles, we love these goggles and would literally have them mailed across the world to have them.

 

Australia:

Rebel Sport's price: (comparable to a Sports Authority store in America) $39.99 + shipping (as of today that is equal to $42USD + shipping).

America:

Amazon.com's price:  (who is normally not necessarily the least expensive but does offer free shipping) $18USD with free shipping, at least for me as I pay for a yearly "Prime" membership, which as you can say is clearly worth it!

If I assume shipping from the US to Australia would be about $10 for this item (it would actually probably be about $5USD when packed with a boatload of other stuff), that would make the total cost including shipping down under about $28AUD.  Probably only worth saving the money if I didn't need them in a hurry and was having a bunch of other things shipped.

Well that wasn't quite as painful as the shoes, but still gives you an idea of the astronomical prices here.

So here's one of my favorite (that's "favourite" for my Aussie friends) comparisons, it actually still shocks me when I see it... Ralph Lauren clothing.

Well I would have loved to compare Ralph Lauren clothing, because the prices in Australia are absolutely out of control.  But since they don't even sell it online down under, I'm not able to provide any solid comparisons here.  I can however compare Ralph Lauren cologne prices... though anyone who actually knows me knows, don't wear it around me or you're likely to have me start on a tangent of complaining about the smell (of any mens cologne that is:).

3.  Ralph Lauren Big Pony Cologne #1

Australia:

Myer.com.au price $125AUD + $8 shipping.  Ouch.  As of today that is equal to $132USD. 

America: 

Amazon.com price $61USD.  Never mind the fact that we could probably find this at Marshalls or TJMaxx for $10.99 or less.  Clearly there are signs I am needing a U.S. shopping trip, and maybe a lap around an American outlet-mall circuit.

4.  KitchenAid Mixer

Australia:

Kitchenwaresuperstore.com.au price is $679AUD, that's currently $720US.  OMG.  Seriously?  Though I will admit, I do love me some Kitchenaid small appliances.

America:
Amazon.com price is $243.  Sorry, but that is an absolutely redonkulous with a capital D.  Unfortunately when it comes to items that must be plugged into a wall, you probably won't be able to use your American 110volt ones in Australia, because even with a transformer, they are likely to eventually stop working... I know this from personal experience.  Dear Kitchenaid hand mixer, I miss you.  Love, Me.

So there you have it... if you are considering a move to Australia and are thinking-- of course it's more expensive-- but how much more could it really be....  well the answer is, a lot more!

Though before I wrap this up, I should mention that there is one area in which Australia's prices kick America's prices ass, and that's in anything related to healthcare-- for example, we had an x-ray here last week (2 images) and it cost $75, with no insurance.  Not sure how much that would cost in the U.S., but I'm guessing somewhere over at least $200. 

Anyway, my advice to anyone moving here would be, if you are already shipping a container with furniture, etc. then load up any and every thing you need and like and may ever imagine you want.  And definitely do NOT leave things in the U.S. and think you'll just buy new ones here-- because new ones here (of whatever) will be potentially double to quadruple the price.

Anyone for an $18 hamburger?

Telstra Sucks, And if they had a Complaint Department I Wouldn't Have Had to Write this on my Blog

Warning:  This is a long, angry rant.   If you would prefer to see something more entertaining and less hateful click here.   Everyone else, proceed below.

In Florida we paid about $30/month for home phone service, and it included unlimited calls across the U.S., not to mention the other necessities such as caller ID, call waiting, etc.  So you can imagine my surprise when I called Telstra prior to our Sydney move to organize (that's "organise" in American) phone service and they informed me, in cute Aussie accent and all, that their rates would also start at about $30/month... plus 17.5 cents per local phone call, plus 34 cents per minute for calls to mobile phones-- needless to say, I was shocked.  But the good news was that I would get Call Waiting and Call Number Display ("Caller ID" in the U.S.) included.  Um, yay? And too bad that in three years here, I still can't figure out how the hell to answer Aussie Call Waiting, wtf?

And looking at Telstra's current comparisons of home phone plans, apparently not too much has changed in the last three years, though now you can buy a plan with unlimited local calls (though not to mobile phones).  And mobile calls now cost $2/each for 20 minutes- that's TWO DOLLARS FOR 20 MINUTES.  And by the way, they don't say "cell phone" in Australia-- fyi.

So to avoid Telstra's ridiculous charges over the years, I resorted to using my mobile for almost all phone calls, the purpose of having a home line became mainly to have high-speed internet, etc.  And fortunately things with Telstra were pretty uneventful.  That is until recently...

A few months ago I called Telstra to update the expiration date on my credit card.  The girl I spoke with was even nice enough to suggest bundling my phone, internet, and Foxtel cable to save some money (about $50/month).   Obviously with a deal like that, how could I say no?  And with the technology these days, I assumed that a few minutes later I'd have a new phone/internet/tv combo plan, yay!

An hour and a half later, this crap still wasn't done.  And eventually I found out the girl I was speaking to merely requested the changes because another department actually had to make the changes---huh? Seriously?

Then, three weeks later, I received a bill for over $500!  Foxtel was no where to be found on the bill, and neither was my internet service.  So I call Telstra again, and India (and by "India", I mean the country) answers.  And India transfers me.  And after another hour and a half,  and approximately eight "customer no-service" people later,  I had gotten no where.  Apparently "that's not my department/job/problem" is the motto of Telstra... wow Telstra, that's impressive stuff.

Over a period of two weeks I spent about twenty hours trying to fix my Telstra account.  On three separate occasions, three separate customer service people said they were fixing it and would call me back to confirm it was done.  Did I receive one return phone call???  Um, no.

And when I got all high and mighty and called for the fifthteenth fucking hundreth time, demanding in a really ugly, obnoxious-American way that they solve this while I remained on the phone by calling the department who makes the godforsaken changes-- I was told-- okay, brace yourself-- that that department doesn't have phones!  At the phone company??? A department that doesn't have phones, at the phone company!  Are these people on crack?

Needless to say, I had them forgo all the changes they were supposed to have made.  I tried to make a complaint, apparently everyone and their mother at Telstra is a "supervisor"-- but there's no escalation department.  Try reaching the CEO, and you'll end up in an endless rotation of transfers in which ultimately, the operator will tell you- not only will they not connect you with him, nor his admin-- they won't find anyone else to help you either.

Royally pissed off and in unique form, I called another phone company (the competition)-- and guess what,  if I'm prepared for them to rewire the house and drill five bazillion holes throughout it, I can be lucky enough to be their customer.  Well why would the hell would I purposely walk into that mess when I can stick with the mess I already know and hate?  Do I want more needless convos (that's Aussie slang for "conversations") with India?  Fine Telstra... I give, I give....  I'll stick with you, the biggest, most unorganized company on the planet.  A phone company with a department that all changes must go through, but has no phones.  My head is going to explode just reliving this redonkulousness.

Then, weeks later, in the midst of an afternoon which included being swabbed for swine flu and cleaning up dog vomit, guess who called my mobile phone.... why of course, it was Telstra-- well hip hip fucking hooray.  And this lovely girl inquired about who my mobile service was with, and did I know I could switch my mobile to Telstra and get a fantastic bundle package deal?

And as I hacked violent coughs in her ear and explained I was sick, she continued on, delighting me with her fantastic sales skills and impressive offer.  And I went on to briefly tell her how horrible my experience has been with Telstra and how I cannot believe a company could operate with such disregard for customer satisfaction.

But she had good news!  There's a new CEO, and everything at Telstra is better.  They have revamped their customer service and she was calling only to help me get a better deal!

And as I wheezed into the phone, I managed to ask her what changes they had made?  Well here's the short answer-- NONE, no freaking changes!  And there's still no escalation department, if you have a complaint get your pen out, because you'll have to mail it to them.  And there's even still a department which all changes go through, and they still don't have phones... jeez, I'd like to work in that department, no way to call in sick, no calls from the boss... woo hoo.

So guess what Telstra-- just saying you've got "new" customer service doesn't mean you've made any improvements, you actually have to do something to fix things.  Let me give you some suggestions--

• Build the technology to support all the things you sell; so when people want to order these things, or change these things, the first person your customer speaks to can actually make the changes.
• Empower your employees.  Empower your employees to make changes without insane processes that make simple things become complex.  And empower your employees to rectify bad situations with compensation such as credits on their bills, etc.   If you need help with this ask American Express, every employee at American Express knows how to help customers so they go away happy.
• Get rid of half of what you offer.  Why do you have three bazillion plans?

And when you implement these I'll be happy to take this post down, wad it up in a ball, and toss it to the moon.  In the meantime however, Telstra -- you can suck it... and by "it" I mean big monkey balls.

Our Experience With Rutland Manor Labradoodles

In December 2002 we moved from Florida to Dallas and were considering adopting a puppy.  In our search for an allergy friendly dog we found a website in Australia called Rutland Manor, they were a "research centre" developing a new breed of dogs called "Australian Labradoodles"; the purpose of this new breed was to work as assistance and/or therapy dogs for people with allergies.

We were so excited, and just as we were about ready to fill out an application for a puppy I found out I was pregnant... our puppy plans were put on an indefinite hold.

But life is unpredictable... and who could have imagined that we'd actually move to Australia?

When we accepted the position in Sydney, my husband and I agreed that if it didn't work out-- at least we'd finally get our Australian Labradoodle from Rutland Manor. And in June of 2009 I hopped back on the Rutland Manor website and a few days later we were officially on the "puppy waitlist".

Seven months later an email arrived... we had "exciting news", our Labradoodle puppy had been born and we were allotted a black female with a white diamond on her chest.   Her name was to be "Andie".

One day during our wait for the Andie's arrival, we received a strange voicemail that sounded something like this:

"Hi, um, I wanted to speak to you, um, regarding the temperament testing of the puppy we've allocated for you. She's... well, um, if you can call me back, I just want to make sure her personality, um, is going to work for your family. Ok, thanks."

The message was full of angst, it was bizarre.  She had also sent a similar email.

When we called her back she was nonsensical. I put her on the phone with my husband to see if he could decipher what exactly she was trying to get across to us.

At this point our comfort level was being severely challenged. Our priority was to adopt an easy-going dog and we were getting concerned maybe the puppy's personality was going to be an issue.

Then I came up with the brilliant idea that perhaps the breeder, Beverley Manners, would consider coming to Sydney and doing some puppy training with us and our small children. When she sounded keen to do it we were shocked, but relieved. We agreed to buy her airfare and pay her $400 to spend a few hours at our house showing us the ropes.

I'll pause now to interject that... I know, I know, I know... that I should have known better-- on all of this. It's just further proof that you must pay attention to the signs-- the signs are our friends.

So our puppy Andie finally arrived! She ate well that evening and slept through the night without crying or any drama whatsoever.  Hooray! We must be incredible puppy parents, yay!

The next morning Beverley arrived and greeted Andie.  Andie seemed completely indifferent to her, as though she hadn't a clue who Beverley was.

Beverley kept saying Andie seemed so calm, we needed to get her riled up so she could demonstrate how to work with her.  She had no actual plan for our training session, she was basically winging it... and not well I might add.  In the two hours she spent with us, she basically demonstrated how to use a slip-collar (aka choke chain), by tethering Andie to our swingset, which was accompanied by a warning from her that it is never safe to tether a dog on a choke chain to anything, but she was going to do it to get the puppy to try and pull on it-- um, huh, wtf??? After a couple minutes of watching our little puppy getting strangled I took Andie off the chain and explained that we would not be using a slip collar in her future, so best to move on.

When her lovely friend came to pick her up for a lunch break, I had had enough, it was not the professional training we had expected her to come do with us and our two young boys.  And only because I'm so freaking nice, I told her that there was no need for her to come back after lunch. Thanks, but no thanks... we're good... um yeah, we're all set... bye bye.

The next two mornings Andie vomitted when she woke up and there was a little pebble in the spit up both days.  The next night Andie was up during the night vomiting a couple times, I assumed this must be pebble-related but could not figure out where or why she was eating pebbles, so I emailed Beverley for advice.

In the meantime, we called the after-hours vet and took her in to make sure all was okay. The vet said he'd probably need do an x-ray to see if we had a pebble-in-stomach situation.

Within a minute of examining Andie, he indicated that that she had a very distinct heart murmur which was not normal (as puppies commonly have small heart murmurs); we needed her to be seen by a cardiology specialist.

They proceeded with an x-ray that same day and found two small pebbles, fortunately they were not a problem as they were small and would be "naturally eliminated".

Later that day, not having mentioned the heart murmur they had found to Beverley, we received this bizarre email from her:

How is Andie? What did the vet say and what have they done for her? Is she going to be all right? I am so worried about her.

Laura, I’d like to offer you a full refund and take her back if that is okay with you.

Your thoughts?

My husband and I were in shock, we hadn't even told her yet that they believed something was seriously wrong with Andie's heart.

The next morning a veterinary cardiologist did the heart scan. The veterinary cardiologist found that Andie had a serious congenital birth defect called PDA, requiring open-heart surgery as soon as possible.  *(Update May 2010:  It is widely known that dogs which produce puppies with PDA should not be bred, but yet Knossos and Ava continue to be listed on Rutland Manor's website as "breeding dogs".   Since posting this other people with sick Knossos puppies have found my blog and are searching for answers about the health of Knossos).

And there's something else, Andie, was kind of a bitch (pun intended).  She was food aggressive, and very rough with us and our little boys.  I am an experienced enough dog person to know she was certainly not the easy-going personality we had stressed was important to us, and not the kind of gentle, easy-going dog Labradoodles were known as.  And I believe Beverley must have thought so too when left us that initial bizarre voicemail about her temperament. 

So Andie's been gone almost three weeks.  Rutland Manor's response to the whole situation has been beyond inappropriate.  We have numerous bizarre emails from Beverley (none of which we've ever responded to at the advice of our attorney), which included accusing us of neglecting the puppy and even suggesting we sent her back a different dog.   We still have no refund and are out tons of money in vet bills and all things required to properly pamper a new pet.

Do you know how sad it is to walk around a house filled with puppy stuff?  Beverley claims Andie is alive and well, playing with all the other dogs there. Our vet thinks otherwise.

And you can all judge me right now for not adopting from a shelter, or for supporting breeders, or for returning the puppy to get a refund. Trust me, I've already judged myself, so thank you very much.

*Update July 2010:  We did ultimately receive our refund by working directly with American Express and Paypal to reverse the charges on our credit card.   Since this blog post was written she has also sent an email threatening to sue me for "defamation"; perhaps she is unaware-- it's not defamation if it's the truth.

Florida Girl in Florida

I've missed you-- and you me?

It's summer vacation in Australia. We left Sydney the beginning of December, now I sit typing this email from the inside of a swank Virgin America airplane, at an approximate altitude of 30,000 feet.

This trip the jet lag was more severe. I was so tired I practically had to drag myself to Marshalls and TJMaxx. Can you imagine?

We had a New Years Day party at our house in Ft. Lauderdale, then a few days later we went to Orlando and hosted a massive reunion for our old friends from our days in the cruise business.  We have had such a wonderful time!

But now, six weeks and 28 Disney trading pins later,  all I have to show for it are the photos below and this lousy t-shirt... and actually, there's no t-shirt.

Our time in Florida (cliff notes version):




The kids ate their first Costco hot dogs, this may be obvious by my four year old's technique (note the interesting pattern on the top of his dog).



We went to Jaxsons in Ft. Lauderdale and had massive ice cream sundaes.



After having his adult teeth behind the baby ones for over eight months, we finally tied the teeth to a door and slammed it. Just kidding, we took him to my childhood dentist and they extracted them. For full effect please note the occasion appropriate t-shirt.




We buried each other.




I got REAL SLICED TURKEY from Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. It is not possible to get anything remotely like this turkey in Australia and that makes Florida Girl very sad.




We decorated the house for Christmas. Just kidding, we're quasi-Jewish and even if we weren't who has the time for this kind of Extreme Christmas Chaos?





We played Star Wars with Auntie Jill (my sister).




We got us some Mickey Mouse.


And some Pluto.


We met the super music producer Scott Storch. Ok, that's really my six year old, but here's the real one...


Too funny-- I actually know him from way back in the day, so it's cool.


And lastly, we got word that our new Rutland Manor Australian Labradoodle puppy "Andie" will be joining our family two days after our return to Sydney.  The day after she arrives Beverley Manners will be personally be coming to our house in Sydney to do some training!


Update June 2010: This is the puppy who had the congenital heart birth defect PDA, we no longer have her and to say the situation was a disaster would be an understatement.  Click link to read that drama.


The plane is about to land in Los Angeles, ciao for now!

If I Inhale Anymore I'm going to Choke

Three days after the far-reaching red dust storm pummeled across Sydney, a second storm added insult to injury on Saturday. Hope you didn't already wash your car.
Photo of second dust storm by Handles on flickr.


I've never hoped for rain like I have this past week. A couple of hours ago it started, and now I sit here enjoying the sound from my cracked crank-out window... finally. Eagerly awaited rain, quenching the dry, powdery-fine red sand which had baked onto cars and sidewalks and leaves over the last ten days.

In the last couple hours I've begun to breathe a little easier (literally) and the taste of dust has diminished thanks to the fresh moisture in the air. I can feel the humidity slowly seeping back into my throat and lungs.

The rain is letting up now, the sound outside my window has stopped. I'm hoping this wasn't just a light shower that's passed, and that bright skies won't be back tomorrow. They said it's supposed to rain for the next few days; I'm counting on them to be right.

It's time for the burnt orange sand to soak back into the earth where it belongs.
I've never been so relieved to see rain.

American or Continental Style Eating?

In the Australia, and most of the civilized world, people eat "continental style" which means fork in one hand, knife in the other, and the fork goes into your mouth prongs facing down with meat on them, and other stuff pushed onto the back of the fork. This is the way the judges on Masterchef and/or Top Chef eat.

Alternatively, most Americans eat "American style", cutting food, lying their knife down, moving their fork to the other hand, and finally taking a bite with the fork-- prongs facing up.

Eating American Style at a table full of Australians is uncomfortable, awkward, and clumsy looking. The Aussies easily cut and eat their food without all the stopping, starting, and cutlery swapping.

And sometimes at a restaurant I give it a try, I really do-- but it's not pretty, I'm like a fumbling idiot. Putting a fork into your mouth upside-down is hard, the angling is off, and I know I look like a complete freak. Making matters worse, my husband, the great assimilator, has successfully switched styles. Now I'm alone at the table being all American-awkward and weird. What the hell is my problem?

These two handy videos below demonstrate how to eat both ways. Incidentally, Cute Little Manners Lady, the star of both videos, is based out of my hometown area-- maybe she does private lessons?

This is Continental Style of eating used in most of the world:



This is the American Style of eating used in the U.S. and possibly responsible for feelings of dining-isolation amongst American expats worldwide:



I am left with a few quesions:

Would it be easy for an Aussie to eat American Style?

Do other Americans switch to Continental Style with no problem?

Am I the only expat feeling like a jackass at the dinner table?

Who thinks they're agile and graceful enough to switch their eating style?

I double-dog-dare you to eat the way you're not accustomed to. Videos of your attempts are welcome and can be emailed to flgirlinsydney@gmail.com.

If you send me a video, I will post it and make you an international superstar.

Let's Play What's Grosser than Gross

Masterchef Australia is an awesome television series. A few days ago I would have considered us Masterchef junkies, but something has changed. Somthing has gone very, very wrong. And after the last two episodes I'm not sure I can stomach watching the final shows.

Last night, when Poh (one of the two finalists) made a Century Egg dish, they generously profiled Century Eggs for eager viewers. And we were lucky enough to learn that a Century Egg is an egg fermented in it's shell for a hundred days (I can't go any further into the description or I really will spew out the Indian food we ate a couple of hours ago, but click the link to see some hardcore nastiness). Seriously, I'm skeeved out. And you know if the judges were scared of it, it had to be some crazy shit.

Then tonight's concept of the judges doing a mock Mystery Box competition for their weekly Masterclass episode seemed fantastic. The show's final two contestants hilariously mimicked judges George and Gary, while critiquing the chefs' cooking techniques and dishes.

What wasn't quite as funny was this evening's Mystery Box ingredient... lamb brains.

I'm still queasy after having watched them deep fry lamb brains, then serve them topped with potato foam and green apples. Honestly, the potato foam alone makes me want to hurl.

After seeing tonight's dishes, Lamb Brain Cereal (wtf?) and Crisp Parmesan Wafer with Parmesan Fried Lamb Brains, it's clear the show has gone all Fear Factor, and tomorrow they'll be whipping up seared cockroaches with a red wine reduction au jus.

The good news is, if they would have said those little nuggets were chicken (instead of brains), I'd be all over that.

So the questions begs to be asked... do you do brains?

*Photo at top is a sliced Century Egg, I heave as I say that.

Moving to and Living in Australia Bada Beans and Hee-yah

I often find myself nodding and agreeing,
though I haven't a clue what they are saying.

Bada beans (butter beans) and hee-yah (here).

Gah-leek is garlic and haych is how they pronounce h, as in the name of the letter.

Dinna is dinner and doona is either a bed comforter or the duvet, I'm still confused on that one; I'll just nod and idiotically agree some more.

When you eat something delicious in Australia, a standard commentary is, "That's beautiful.", at least that's what everyone on Masterchef Australia says.

Fillet (as in a cut of meat) rhymes with skillet in Australia, and it doesn't rhyme with ballet.

Ta means thanks, it took me almost two years to find this out.

If you call in sick to work you're chuckin' a sickie... this is actually one of my favorite (favourite) Australia-isms.

At preschool last year the kids made dam-pah. I felt like such a jackass when I asked the teacher to spell it because I just could not figure out what the hell she was talkin' about. Of course she spelled it and I still was baffled. When I arrived at pick up time and saw them eating bread rolls, which are called damper bread, it didn't make me feel any bettah.

Recently my friend said they were going to Barrel for school break. I search it on the internet-- nothing. Next time I saw her I pressed her on it-- apparently you pronounce Bowral like barrel, who would have thunk?

Through Kindergarten drama, I found out that a dobber is a tattletail. And if you're an Aussie, and I'm not spelling this correctly, please feel free to let me know. It could just as well be dobba, but who knows?

If your house or cah (car) is nice, they'll call it flash. If you're getting a kiss, Aussies say pash.

When we meet at the bike park My Favorite Australian says we're going bike-all-ling.
I haven't even a clue how you'd spell that.

Did I mention that they swear on the radio hee-yah? I really like that.

Some other things I like hee-yah: (taken last week on the ferry)


People climbing the Sydney Harbour bridge day and night.


The city as you pull into Circular Quay on the ferry.


Sydney Opera House and the city.

Ants in my Pants and Slugs in my Uggs

Mother effing ants.

As I sit here typing, I'm armed with my camera ready to capture the gravity of the situation. They crawl across my keyboard, they daringly trek upon my arm, and they enthusiastically pile up upon anything which resembles food. My kitchen sink is like a skateboard park for them.

When an ant enters my my line of vision I grab a Puffs with Aloe tissue and heartlessly go in for the kill; they end up flattened and moisturized.




That's a card from the exterminator with ant bait gel on it, yum.

The over-the-counter discs of death seemed an easy way to wage our war on ant infestation. Bait was put out, and in classic ant trickery they bring their deadly, yet delicious, finds back to the nest. After a few days the baits were no longer drawing big crowds, we felt victorious and relieved, enough so that we were even able to make a sandwich on the kitchen counter in peace. But lo and behold, within 48 hours the ants were back, and they looked pissed.

Last night I went to take a shower and the bigger and more daunting looking "soldier" ants had come out of the nest. My assumption is that the coup is working (for us), and hopefully the pion ants are dead so the big boys were coming out to show us who's boss. Did I mention that the exterminator said that the larger ants fly? Wtf? Needless to say, giant ants were on the bathroom ceiling, floor and counters-- it was like an ant freakshow. There were also several on their backs in my bathroom sink which appeared to be fighting for their lives. As I stared in disgust at the situation, a giant ant drops into the sink. I look up. I realize the ones in the sink had actually fallen from the ceiling which was covered. This unfortunate discovery sent me running out of the bathroom, and I spent the rest of the night wondering if there were any in my hair. I'm still scratching myself all over like an ape and I'm somewhat scared to go to sleep tonight because every morning something new is covered in ants, and tomorrow it could be me.

The good news is that during my numerous visits from the pest control company they have given me the ant 411 (that's American for information). We have Coastal Brown Ants, and these bad boys, all forty freaking million of them, are living in the walls of our house.

And as long as I'm bitching about pests in the house...

We have an awesome built-in planter in the new house. Unfortunately it too is home to some unwanted new friends... about a hundred slugs. I read on the internet that they are attracted to yeast. It said to put beer in a deep container near them, they will go in for a drink, and won't be able to get out. Apparently I have smart, agile, and now drunk slugs. They drank the beer, then went home, passed out, and came back the next night looking for more.





I've decided to focus on the ants (since they bite), so the slugs are getting a pass this week.