I was scared to be pregnant, and scared to have kids. I loved my job and had little real responsibility outside of working (my former boss would be hysterical laughing if he heard me call that job a responsibility, it was more like a social club which made "dream vacations become a reality". Eventually I'll get to elaborating on my job in the cruise industry, it'll have to be like a week long blog-mini-series... it was a fun place to spend my 20's.
In 2002 we moved from Florida to Dallas for my husband's new job. We had been married for five years, bought a "family house", and I was closing in on 31 years old. I knew that if I wanted three or four kids it was about time to get my proverbial freak on. My thinking was, it'll probably take at least six months to a year to get pregnant, so I'll have plenty of time to mentally prepare. Two weeks later I peed on multiple Clearblue Easy sticks and confirmed in triplicate that the time had come to wrap my mind around the whole baby thing.
One thing no one warned me about was the insane, hormonally-induced dreams you have when pregnant.
The two dreams I remember and still feel tremendous guilt about:
- A pregnant black poodle was about to have puppies but I wouldn't let her in the house. She went jumped the fence into my neighbors yard and had the puppies there.
- I was living at my grandparents house with my newborn baby-- but I was keeping "it" in the garage.
There's really just no way to know in advance what pregnancy and children will evoke in you. Now I can look back on that fear and laugh at all the things I was scared of, they're so silly and trivial once you realize all the crap you really need to worry about.
Why worry?
Oh right, that's why.
Yes, I'm scared every day... but they sure are cute.
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7 comments:
What a nice post. And what weirdo dreams! Talk about pregnancy anxiety. Your kids are absolutely adorable.
JD at I Do Things
Oooo, I remember those pregnancy dreams! Scary days.
I STILL feel like I'm playing grownup. Luckily my kids have no idea that I don't know what I'm doing.
I feel for you. From my observations, a human female suffering from pregnancy is also suffering from insanity. Often this persists for at least three years after gestation. Chances for recovery are good but not guaranteed.
Your boys are handsome and spirited. Great pictures!
Just had to acknowledge comments about how cute these boys of mine are-- because y'all are so right, the level of cuteness is constantly making me insane.
Marvin- you are so right, at least three years...!
If being pregnant is anything like the Scooby Doo rollercoaster, which you seem to have suggested it is, i think ill give it a miss! That rollercoaster is scary! I cant believe kids go on it. I sat with my fists clenched around the safety bar, eyes closed, swearing the whole way haha.
at movie world in Queensland, there was no line so i went on the Scooby Doo ride 17 times in a row. it was awesome. i dare you to do it with me now!
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