My mom arrived in Sydney this morning. Picking her up at the airport, my first thought was -- there is no way in hell I'm letting her leave in two weeks.
I know it was our choice to move here, but too freaking bad.
I will prevent her from getting back on that plane.
I will slip so much flaxseed into her food, she'll need to be within ten feet of a toilet for days.
The night before her flight, I'll steal all of her dwarfishly small shoes (she wears a size 5).
If necessary, I will use force and restraints-- but knowing the old girl, she'd probably like that.
I would truly appreciate any input regarding how I can keep my mom in Australia without causing physical pain, getting arrested, or hurting any innocent animals.