Saturday, September 12, 2009

Honk If Your Husband Makes You Crazy

It's but on rare occasion that I will publicly talk smack about my husband, but today is going to give you a little glimpse into the chaotic, and sometimes hilarious lives of Florida Girl and Mr. Florida Girl.

A little about us:

I am fast girl. Fast, fast, fast, let's get a move on. I can get my kids dressed, fed, and out the door in twenty minutes.

My husband is slow and methodical. He's side-tracked easily and needs time to think all things through properly before taking action. Needless to say, I wouldn't hold your breath if you're waiting on him to dress, feed, and/or do anything with the children.

So this morning, stopped at the traffic light near our house, we were the third vehicle in line for a left turn. The arrow changes to green and no one moves. After a few seconds I'm all, "Give 'em a honk." Of course my husband DOES. NOT. WANT. TO. He is totally anti-honking. He is emphatic in his belief that "Honking means I'm here'." In my book honking could mean that, and/or it could mean, "Pay attention dumbass." or "The light is green, freaking go!"

We're still at the light, no one is turning-- my husband gently gives the horn a little peck, such a little tap that no actual sound is made. And the reality is that there is just no way in hell he's going to honk the effing horn. Finally, shocked the light hasn't turned red yet, I lean over and lay it on the horn. And guess what, the cars turned. No one was mad, no one got out of their car and came after us, no one even gave us the finger. Unfortunately, though it was all in good fun, my husband did not at all appreciate my helping him with the horn, I think his exact words were, "Don't ever touch the steering wheel when I'm driving!".

Later this afternoon, we were the first car stopped at a light. My husband didn't notice the light had turned green, and we were honked at. Now personally, if I don't notice the greenage, I hope someone honks at me, because I want to get where I'm going, and as quickly as possible. And when it's all said and done, I knew he was glad they honked too.

And I'm hoping that today's events will change his honkin' attitude, but if not, if he continues to not honk when honking is required, I will lean over, and I will honk that horn, even though it makes him so incredibly angry... because that's how I roll, and I think it's kind of fun in a bizarre, perverse way.

**Update: My husband just said it's my horn's fault, for being too hard to honk.
Apparently, he would have honked it-- if he could have.



nursemyra said...

you're becoming an Aussie, sista

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Nurse Myra- I've actually always been a honker. And now I'm hysterical-- I just added an update to the post because my husband is too hilarious for words.

JD at I Do Things said...

I'm a fast girl, too. I like to MOVE, whether it's driving or walking. OUTTA MY WAY!

I hate honking at people, but sitting at a left-turn arrow behind a driver who hasn't noticed the green is one of the few situations in which I will honk. AND, like you, I expect to be honked at if I miss the light.

Your husband is adorable.

People in the Sun said...

I never honk. But Honey honks and raises her middle finger at the same time. She needs help.

opinioneater said...

This made me lol on so many levels. I'm never timid with my horn-- don't ever be ashamed to be a honker!

Juli Ryan said...

I'm a honker. My husband is not. And my horn is really hard to honk. Probably a good thing, because in general Kiwis don't seem to be honkers.


True that!! It's Doc Safety all over again!! So lol funny :)

Jill Stevens, Licensed Acupuncturist, Chinese Herbalist said...

omg. that is so freaking funny! i am totally a honker- and it drives me insane when people in the car refuse to use their horn. i want so badly to reach over and just lay my hand on it. maybe once i'm married that will be ok. but like when a car is about to ram into us- is it really "rude" to honk. hello?!?!?!? they are about to kill us. people and horns- where did all this trauma start from?

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

JD- I hate honking too, but will totally honk when need be!

PITS- Good for her, haha.

opinioneater- Haha, I'll stand proud.

JuliRyan- Yeah, my horn is hard to honk too, but it can be done when necessary-- though not with baby taps.

Calista's Mom- Hi!!! I love seeing you here and cannot wait to see you in December!!! Go Doc Safety go!

Jill- Well I'm assuming you're not surprised my husband doesn't honk, right?

Kristi said...

I just wanted to let you know I have been reading your blog and find it so funny. Toot, Toot my husband is a snail too!

Kristie said...

I hate to honk but I will when needed, my husband on the other hand wants to honk all the damn time. I do believe that I have told him on more than one occasion to not touch the steering wheel while I am driving. If he wants to honk whenever he damn well pleases then he needs to DRIVE, don't make me do it. Ugh!

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Kristi- Thanks! Maybe we need to get these hubbys together for a slow race.

Kristie- Maybe your hubs could teach mine a few honking tips?

Marketing Mama said...

LOL. I guess you need a better car - one with a green -light sensor and easier horn. :)

Elsja said...

HAAAAAAHAHHAAHA this is great! I'm with you on the honking! Andrew is a big honker- sometimes gets a little honk crazy if you ask me :)I think there should be a happy medium.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Marketing Mama- I love that idea, a green light sensor-- awesome.

Elsja- Totally, it's all about moderation! I am not at all supportive of anyone going all honk-happy.

hereinfranklin said...

I honk daily. In fact, my husband (also a honker) just realized that my horn wasn't hooked up properly. He fixed it and now I honk louder than ever!

Gypsy said...

I'm definitely your husband in this situation. Although I will honk. Sometimes.

Rassles said...

I'm actually an insanely patient driver, unless I am driving in the fast lane on the highway. Then it's like, "Okay fuckface, I am obviously here for a reason, and I don't have time to deal with your bullshit laissez-faire left-lane shenanigans."

The Taskers said...

Hi! I didn't know you still checked our family blog - how cool! As you can see, I don't give it much attention (I'm so lazy that way). I love reading your tales - especially your view on life in Aus - the changing view will be something you'll love to look back on over the years.

Yes, we are now in Texas. The project didn't work out in LA, so my hubby's company moved us to Houston 6 months ago. We love it - for so many reasons (which you probably read about). I do agree, however, that the weather SUCKS! It was a balmy 82 today, and the humidity was pretty low and we actually had a breeze. I think the thing I hate the most is I can't ever open up the house and air it out - I feel like the place stinks (I'm sure it doesn't, but I just think it does).

Are you planning a trip back to the US any time soon? My husband just applied for his Green Card, so we're actually looking for an extension here so he can get his citizenship, with no plans for even a visit back to Perth even though I'd like to (he doesn't want to do the trip with the kids).

Take care!

Mama Bird said...

Ha! I'm a horn honker too. And also like to keep moving. My husband is one of those who will just wait and wait as well. So much so that I often just usurp whatever task he's is 'waiting' to do. Drives me nuts. Sigh. But, I digress. I try to be more patient, it just doesn't come easily. Damn laidback Aussies.

Marvin the Martian said...

I generally don't honk. In large cities, honking can earn you a bullet. Shooting back will just garner unwanted attention from the police. However, when I do honk, my wife invariably claims that I was being inappropriate. Then she insists that I honk when I don't think it's appropriate.

I think it really boils down to, "you want to honk, then YOU drive." It's all about power and control. Since she refuses to drive, then she relinquishes control of the horn. But not the radio, unfortunately.

Suzer said...

LOL...that last line is classic!

Natalie said...

Bahahahahaha!!!!!! I am a honker and my hub is EXACTLY like yours.

Hahahahahahahaha Loved it.xx♥

Flamin' Galahs said...

great post, i have those days frequently with my sllloowwwwww hubby

Anonymous said...

Aussie Guy in Florida - Lol

I have a mental list of the plusses and negatives about living in America. One of the things that I absolutely love is being able to turn on red lights.

So I was quite shocked you did not have a go at the stupid system of waiting for a green light to turn with the traffic.

I know that I occassionally go into Aussie mode when driving and stop at a red light when turning - and there is no shortage of horns peeping behind me when I do.

Although from a place where they test drive you in the car park for a licence it is sometimes very scary driving in Florida.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

hereinfranklin- So you're a honker who's got a new lease on honking-- that's fantastic.

Gypsy- As long as you do it when necessary when I'm in the car with you, then I'll refrain from leaning over and honking when you're driving :).

Rassles- I have to say that I'm actually very surprised by that, I would have pegged you as a honker.

Taskers- I saw an old comment you had left and thought I'd check in and see what you were up to. We loved living in Dallas, it's not as hot and humid as Houston-- but bottom line is TX people are very nice (when they not carrying their guns, haha).

MamaBird- I should practice more patience, I'm going to work on that.

Marvin- Yep, that's exactly why I'm happy to drive. There are actually so many things I hate about my husband's driving that it's really best that way. Though he hates my driving, so we're probably best to get a chauffeur?

Suzer- I know, I still laugh when I think about that being an actual excuse. So funny.

Flaming Galahs- What's a wife to do???

Aussie Guy in Florida- Have you found the blog "A Free Man"-- he's Florida Guy in Adelaide! Yes, it is nice to be able to turn on red. I'm looking forward to meeting you guys in Dec!

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Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Casting director- Hi and thanks, I received an email from another producer on your show The Marriage Ref, and though that does sound interesting-- I am sooo not someone who want to be on TV. Thanks though, I feel flattered! Cheers, Laura