Mother effing ants.
As I sit here typing, I'm armed with my camera ready to capture the gravity of the situation. They crawl across my keyboard, they daringly trek upon my arm, and they enthusiastically pile up upon anything which resembles food. My kitchen sink is like a skateboard park for them.
When an ant enters my my line of vision I grab a Puffs with Aloe tissue and heartlessly go in for the kill; they end up flattened and moisturized.
That's a card from the exterminator with ant bait gel on it, yum.
The over-the-counter discs of death seemed an easy way to wage our war on ant infestation. Bait was put out, and in classic ant trickery they bring their deadly, yet delicious, finds back to the nest. After a few days the baits were no longer drawing big crowds, we felt victorious and relieved, enough so that we were even able to make a sandwich on the kitchen counter in peace. But lo and behold, within 48 hours the ants were back, and they looked pissed.
Last night I went to take a shower and the bigger and more daunting looking "soldier" ants had come out of the nest. My assumption is that the coup is working (for us), and hopefully the pion ants are dead so the big boys were coming out to show us who's boss. Did I mention that the exterminator said that the larger ants fly? Wtf? Needless to say, giant ants were on the bathroom ceiling, floor and counters-- it was like an ant freakshow. There were also several on their backs in my bathroom sink which appeared to be fighting for their lives. As I stared in disgust at the situation, a giant ant drops into the sink. I look up. I realize the ones in the sink had actually fallen from the ceiling which was covered. This unfortunate discovery sent me running out of the bathroom, and I spent the rest of the night wondering if there were any in my hair. I'm still scratching myself all over like an ape and I'm somewhat scared to go to sleep tonight because every morning something new is covered in ants, and tomorrow it could be me.
The good news is that during my numerous visits from the pest control company they have given me the ant 411 (that's American for information). We have Coastal Brown Ants, and these bad boys, all forty freaking million of them, are living in the walls of our house.
And as long as I'm bitching about pests in the house...
We have an awesome built-in planter in the new house. Unfortunately it too is home to some unwanted new friends... about a hundred slugs. I read on the internet that they are attracted to yeast. It said to put beer in a deep container near them, they will go in for a drink, and won't be able to get out. Apparently I have smart, agile, and now drunk slugs. They drank the beer, then went home, passed out, and came back the next night looking for more.
I've decided to focus on the ants (since they bite), so the slugs are getting a pass this week.