Friday, November 21, 2008

GlassBreaker, Wine Slayer. Don't You Mess Around With Me.

CIMG6747 by you.

GlassBreaker--WineSlayer-- heartbreaker
Don't you mess around with me.

My friend from Orlando is finally here! She has come to hang with me for the week, then is flying back to Florida with me and da boyz next week. Our whirlwind week is half over and I'm secretly hoping she'll meet an Australian guy to convince her to stay in Sydney!

And not only is my friend fun... she's also a dangerous superhero, known to a privileged few as, GlassBreakerWineSlayer. Yo, the girl has mad superpowers.

In 1992, GlassBreaker and I met selling cruises together, we sat at adjoining cubicles; the nineties was a total boom for the cruise industry, and there couldn't have been a more amazing time to have our jobs. We've probably been on about twenty or thirty cruises together. Wild cruises and wild times.

My friend arrived Monday morning, Roger Moore was on her plane and the paparazzi were camped out in the international terminal. I don't know what that little tidbit has to do with anything except that I was wondering who the old guy was-- and was unsure whether to follow suit and take a photo of him. I didn't, but whatevs.

So we took a ferry around, picked up my little duo o' chaos (the preschoolers), then headed home. I'm not sure if we had even cracked open the wine yet, when I heard a loud pop-- the kind of pop you just know can't be good.

My friend had walked straight into the floor to ceiling window next to the door and her superhero-strength knee shattered the window; and well, her superhero forehead and lips left imprints too.

We were both like-- holy fuck.

Needless to say, this is how we spent the next morning...

CIMG6710 by you.'
(That's not actually us, it's the glass repair men).

The glass repair guys were chuckled as they told us that most windows are broken by being walked into, and it's usually the knee that does it.

And I was feeling really bad, because I didn't want her to feel bad.
Then she told me a story... and I cheered up.

Two weeks ago in a drunken moment of excitement at a friend's house, she thought it would be awesome to test the boundaries of intoxication by going all ninja on her friend who was sitting, minding her own business, enjoying a glass of wine. In her black, mirrored kitten heels she proceeded to throw Kung Fu kicks, then end it with a roundhouse over her friend's head as a grand finale. Upon her foot's descent, the heel of her shoe actually sliced the stem of the wineglass off, sending it shattering to the ground. Meanwhile, the glass stayed perfectly in her friend's hand unscathed. She said it felt like watching someone pull the tablecloth off a set table.

I was like... damn girl, you're a glass kicking fool.

So last night in our drunken stupor, while laughing so hard we seriously could not stop, we wanted to give my readers a little taste of what you're missing by not being here.
In the spirit of the Karate Kid, here is a demonstration of her moves...

CIMG6737 by you.

CIMG6740 by you.

Don't worry there will be more stories about our adventures together forthcoming...



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25 comments:

SSG said...

hehe your friend ROCKS! I miss my mates, enjoy her while she's there! yeehah! or should that be Hi-yah!

nina bellina said...

I cannot stop laughing - I remember having many fun times with Carol, and she's definitely a super-chick in my memory! Those snippets are hysterical!! I'm so happy that you're having so much fun with her - Have a great week : )

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

SSG- yep

Nina Bellina-
I hope you can make it to fl. Love ya.

A Free Man said...

Is there not a third picture of her on her butt?

Y'all have fun!

Pamela Rose said...

Looks like alotta fun down yonder uh under. I am in the process of moving furniture in front of the glass sliding doors here "just in case". I can not wait to see you ......5 days more waiting is an eternity!

Ty Gunner said...

That Bionic Knee is scary, yet the rest looks interesting. Just when are you due in Florida? : )

Marvin the Martian said...

Yeah, SURE you hadn't hit the wine yet before y'all broke the window. Mhmm. That's why we have tacky pink flamingos stuck to ours. And when we drink, we usually stay planted on our butts. ;-)

I like your tile.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

That's bad ass.

She seriously has superpowers.

I wish I were there, being a drunken ninja.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Free Man- Incredibly she never fell on her drunk ass.

Pamela Rose- Good thinking.

Ty- We get in next week.

Marvin- Well I can say for sure we'd been hitting the bottle before we took the ninja photos!

DPH- You really should be here. Kisses.

Rassles said...

I am so jealous that you have a friend with superpowers and I friggin' don't. So Lame.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Rassles- Everyone should have a superhero friend, right?

JD at I Do Things said...

I love the pictures! Your friend is awesome. And thank you for putting "Heartbreaker" into my brain forever.

JD I Do Things

Christine said...

Yikes! I'm glad her knee's ok. I love her karate moves, but I can't help but comment on your house! It's beautiful! I love all the different levels.

Dina said...

Oh no!! That is one dangerous friend!!!!!!!

I hope you guys are having a great time together.

You need to figure out what your own superpower is so you can be the magnificent duo.

Have a safe flight. Please drop us a quick email to let us know you arrived safetly. Or just update your blog. That'll let us know you're still among the living.

Luciana said...

Hi! Your dining room is adorable and your friend is fun! Take care.

Gypsy said...

That is one razor sharp kick! Can't wait to hear more.

nursemyra said...

wow - your superhero friend can really kick. I am so envious!

Jack said...

Hope she didn't pull a muscle with that kick.

Ali said...

haha, glad you had fun, breaking some glass ain't that bad ;)

nursemyra said...

when will you be back in sydney florida girl?

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

JD- Things could be worse, it could have been the Barney song (the weird purple dinosaur), I bet that's not as appealing.

Christine- Thanks, it's a rental-- and the different levels are a little annoying in person, but they probably look good.

Dina- We have arrived in Florida. The kids didn't sleep at all basically from SYD to LAX, so we're working on the time change situation.

Luciana- Thanks!

Gypsy- The whirlwind has me out of pocket, my laptop is dead (need US converter!), but more is coming!

Nursemyra- Yes, she is a real asskicker! We are back Jan. 11!

Jack- I know, thank goodness she didn't strain herself too much, she was still able to fly and handle luggage! Whew.

Ali- Easy for you to say, and funny enough, she told me she almost walked into the glass door again!

Tim said...

Yeah, I'm listening to Heartbreaker in my head too :)
Your friend sounds a lot like Hancock. Does she leave a crater in the pavement every time she jumps into the sky, and accidentally wipe out single family dwellings while fighting crime?

Deidre said...

haha - goodness Wineslayer is definitely part ninja.

And I concur with all the others - what a beautiful house!

Mark said...

She just sounds like so much fun! You are blessed to have her as a friend.

Corrina said...

Your friend sounds HILARIOUS! That second photo was awesome, but the way. Can't wait for more!