Thursday, May 21, 2009

Yeah, Mom-- it's soup alright.

We moved. I got a cold the day after we got in the new house. I had no voice yesterday. I know all that sounds like fun, a real barrel of laughs, and then...

Last night walking across the bedroom there was a spongy squish, squish. It was monsooning outside, they reported winds were over 108 kilometers an hour.

Today they came and pulled up my new bedroom's carpet. The corner of it's lying tented over an obnoxiously loud blower to dry the pad and all the rest of it.

I'm choking on deodorizer fumes from the "cleanup".

When my four year old makes his nightly 2am mommy call, he's likely to walk into either a moving box or my bed, which is inconveniently shoved against one of my bedroom doors.

I'm considering moving my mattress into the hallway, but then I'd have to go downstairs to watch the American Idol finale which is so incredibly-over-the-top-incredible, I can't take my eyes off it.*

The wind has blown and blown and blown. It's howling outside my window right now.

I've never lived higher than sea level, and the whole living on a hill thing is different. It's like we're trapped in a wind tunnel, it's weird and cool and I like it but it makes me a little nervous-- a good nervous.

The carpet is wet and my bedroom smells like toxic chemicals mixed with deodorizer.

And I'm about this close to needing a ventilator; I'm not sure if it's due to the deodorizer fumes, or the cold I've had since the day after we moved in.

Omigod, KISS. What the hell is going on here? Their tongues sure are long, wow.*

The wind's whipping my window screens around. I love window screens. This house rocks and I won't have flies anymore. Did I mention how many flies there are in Sydney?

Sadly, that makes the perfect segue to the unfortunate incident of having stepped in dog crap today while "carefully" carrying my kids across the grass to my car, to avoid dog poop. I had to wash my shoes with a dishbrush to get it off. Hmmm, did I use that to wash the dishes tonight? Psyche (that was for my neurotic husband), ah-hahahahaha.

Omigod, is that Steven Martin? Is he going to sing?*

And funny enough, my husband and I just keep looking at each other and thinking-- this is the best place we have ever lived, we are sooo going to enjoy it here. Which now that I think about it, is the same thing we said about the last place we lived.

Is that Queen? Holy shit.*

My husband just said, "I'm just stunned that guy lost, it just pisses me off." I know babe, I really can't believe Adam lost either, this shit's really messed up. And then for the tenth time, my husband says he doesn't really think The Blind Guy is blind.*


*If you didn't watch the American Idol finale you may not understand.


Oh, and there's one more thing... have you ever said "hot beef injection" to your mother?
I did... she asked if it was a soup.



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26 comments:

Dina said...

I don't watch American Idol so at first I was really lost.

I couldn't figure out if you were losing your mind or if I was.

But now I got it.

Hope you're feeling better and sorry about the dog poop.

Jenny said...

You have "fly screens"???? Are you sure this new house is actually in Australia?

A Free Man said...

Totally lost, but I like the stream of conciousness nature of this post.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Dina- Well it wouldn't be shocking if either of us were losing our minds would it?

Jenny- Yes. We have screens!! I am loving it!

Free Man- I guess you don't do AI?

nursemyra said...

No I've never said those words to my mother. But I'm pretty sure my son has said them to me.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Nursemyra- You should hear the awful things I teach my mother-- a couple of years ago I taught her the word mofo.

Marvin the Martian said...

Really now, you are way too intelligent to watch "American Idol." Then again, one could argue that you have extra brain cells to kill with that kind of programming.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Marvin- Oh, I'll totally go with the 2nd option.

ian said...

Here in the UK we get the results show tonight - sadly we already know who wins. I reckon Adam will go on to have a great career anyway - and to be honest, that god awful song by Kia Di Whatsername was so much better suited to Kris' voice.

The fact that you can get American Idol in Oz is such good news to us - we have been glued to this series - and would not want to miss next year's. We move to Sydney in less than 3 weeks - just as Big Brother 10 starts in the UK - noooooo - what are we going to watch to see us through the long cold Aussie winter nights. Which are probably just like the long cold Pommie summer days.

Rassles said...

Come on sporto, level with me... that is fucking hysterical.

Christine said...

The finale really was terrific! Sorry for the wet carpets, but "Soup"? That's a riot!

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Ian- I believe Big Brother here is canceled permanently, which is not surprising because it was really boring and lame. I miss BB in the U.S.!

Rassles- I'm assuming the HBI reference was cracking you up?

Christine- Yeah, my mom is the funniest.

opinioneater said...

You are channeling Virginia Woolf.
I'm quite certain my mother has heard me say "hot beef injection" back in 1986 when I was a Breakfast Club quote machine.
And everyone here is certain Jesus helped Kris win. God Bless American Idol.

Corrina said...

I do not watch American Idol, so I'm a bit lost, but I DO enjoy hot beef injection soup. LOL!

American in Norway said...

Ha..We won't get American Idol here until N E X T year...
I need to get the scoop on how you ended up in Australia...
Bjørn & I worked for Royal Caribbean & then went over to Seabourn.. Where did you work?

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Opinioneater- I'm sure, Jesus took the wheel for sure.

Corrina- What?? No American Idol? I'm so surprised. I had a feeling you like the hbi soup though.

American in Norway- I worked in Orlando at a large cruise agency for many, many years. Seabourn-- that must have been interesting. What years? I was in the business from 1992-2004. Boomtime.

Marvin the Martian said...

And I don't think I have ever heard a woman use the term "hot beef injection." Scratch that "first" off my list, then. ;-)

JD at I Do Things said...

I'm sorry you've had so many problems with flooding and . . . OMG, ADAM! I was soooo bummed that he didn't win. Even tho, yes, he'll probably have a better career without the Idol yoke around his neck, I just wanted him to win.

The Steve Martin bit was weird, wasn't it?

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Marvin- phew, thanks goodness you got that off your firsts list.

JD- Were all those AI duets da bomb or what??? Awesome!

Erin said...

You crack me up. I love the stream of consiousness! It was like reading Twitter but all in one go!

That sucks about the carpet flooding. Was it from the rain for from a pipe or bathroom?

I can't wait to see the new place. Maybe if you love it so much you'll never leave... mwahahahaha

I watched only bits and pieces of idol this year and I didn't like Adam. He actually kinda freaked me out a bit, so you are getting no love from me on that point. But hell he'll have a recording contract anyway, so who cares who the actual winner is anyway! :-)

Oh, and isn't is soup? ;-)

Blues said...

I too love the stream of consciousness, I just feel like I´m there living in your brain a little bit, which is good.

Can´t say I´ve seen American Idol. Can´t get everything over here. I watch the Spanish version: Operacion Triunfo, which is just insanely stupid. And yet, I watch.

Kismet said...

Oh my god, I love your mom

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Erin- No American Idol? I don't know why I'm so surprised by that?? I'm gonna plan a little expat party at the casa soon-- I'll be eviting you...

Blues- I can only imagine the Spanish version-- probably like Australian Big Brother-- just total ass.

Kismet- Thanks! Me too.

thecheekofgod said...

Hey,

Just wanted to pop in and thank you for visiting my blog and leaving your comment. It's a real pleasure. I tried to reply via email, but it got returned, twice, as undeliverable. Oh well . . .

Anyway, hope the winds have died down and things are drying out a bit!

Brian

rinniez said...

hey!
im writing a blog again :)
very different to the last tho :)
just thought id let you know!
xx

thecheekofgod said...

Hey there,

Just wanted to tell you what a heart-wrenching piece of writing your last post was. It's the one about your dad. It showed up in my reader, but it appears to have been taken down.

Hope things are ok . . .